I am tired of wearing this smile

Everything behind it is indelibly scared

Emptiness of a heart and loneliness of now

Deterioration of the mind, and my spirit asleep


I am tired of living into now

With a heart filled with scars

Bruises on my believe and silence in my nothing

Buried beneath my chin as I stand to smile

Am sick and tired of being sick and tired, still alone

On the soils of everything that seems dead

Death of a heart equals death of a dream

Me standing between the bones of everything

Waiting on the doors, as I become forgotten


I am still the boy forgotten by time

Brutalized, so I cry in the darkness alone

Beat my skin like a drum and run my blood,

On the railways of every dream accomplished

I became a body of storms and lightning

Letting my silence climb on wings again, quietly

Afraid that once am heard, they’ll push me down


Still, they make nothing out of my everything

And everything out of my nothing, to break me

To feel this bitter life through my veins shrinking

Moving towards a direction that leads to light ?

Of something meaningful, something kind ?

Allowing me to breathe again ?


How do I wear myself before my brokenness ?

Deprivation of self and thoughts, hunting my now

Even freedom can’t free me from these thoughts

Waisted by my own good heart to seek for joy

Body waiting on the soils, praying to grow strong

With tears pouring, manuring the earth

And sadness spreading out of it all

A canvas of dead lightening and thunder

Not allowing the sun to shine in my little glory


But Incase my being finds home

Happiness might come knocking on my doors ?

Calling me to celebrate with him ?

In all of my scars and nakedness ?

Striving to breathe again ?

To be whole again ?

To pick my strength on the street and walk again ?

Into daylight, into me and you fulfilling now ?


I bet you don’t know

That I only love colors because they remind me

Of your failed promises and oddly misjudgments

Assembling tears in my emotions each time

Just like how I wish I could drink from the well

And remind myself that I am forgotten

Everything I see now is very uncertain

I have not begun, yet

I have struggled through all of life, scared and alone

And my life, it hasn’t started yet, still I age, old.