I am tired of wearing this smile
Everything behind it is indelibly scared
Emptiness of a heart and loneliness of now
Deterioration of the mind, and my spirit asleep
I am tired of living into now
With a heart filled with scars
Bruises on my believe and silence in my nothing
Buried beneath my chin as I stand to smile
Am sick and tired of being sick and tired, still alone
On the soils of everything that seems dead
Death of a heart equals death of a dream
Me standing between the bones of everything
Waiting on the doors, as I become forgotten
I am still the boy forgotten by time
Brutalized, so I cry in the darkness alone
Beat my skin like a drum and run my blood,
On the railways of every dream accomplished
I became a body of storms and lightning
Letting my silence climb on wings again, quietly
Afraid that once am heard, they’ll push me down
Still, they make nothing out of my everything
And everything out of my nothing, to break me
To feel this bitter life through my veins shrinking
Moving towards a direction that leads to light ?
Of something meaningful, something kind ?
Allowing me to breathe again ?
How do I wear myself before my brokenness ?
Deprivation of self and thoughts, hunting my now
Even freedom can’t free me from these thoughts
Waisted by my own good heart to seek for joy
Body waiting on the soils, praying to grow strong
With tears pouring, manuring the earth
And sadness spreading out of it all
A canvas of dead lightening and thunder
Not allowing the sun to shine in my little glory
But Incase my being finds home
Happiness might come knocking on my doors ?
Calling me to celebrate with him ?
In all of my scars and nakedness ?
Striving to breathe again ?
To be whole again ?
To pick my strength on the street and walk again ?
Into daylight, into me and you fulfilling now ?
I bet you don’t know
That I only love colors because they remind me
Of your failed promises and oddly misjudgments
Assembling tears in my emotions each time
Just like how I wish I could drink from the well
And remind myself that I am forgotten
Everything I see now is very uncertain
I have not begun, yet
I have struggled through all of life, scared and alone
And my life, it hasn’t started yet, still I age, old.