How do I keep this sunshine breathing?

When all my pillows are made of ice

Sensitivity edged like a butcher’s blade

Ushering my fruits to hang on the rainbow

Hugging every atom of memory into a closet

 

I’ve walked on emptiness long enough to know

That being right is wrong

And they don’t tell you 

How slippery a heart can become

When it waits long on a shore it doesn’t belong 

 

And I have tried harder

Perhaps I needed to pat myself to be softer

Be the young child on my birth certificate

Lay myself like a golden carpet for just one time

Into ferrying all of my laughters back from heaven

Exhibiting my sunshine at the craft markets

Like a gay man’s silence hanging in his eyes

Raising my newly found self like a planet 

Hang my silence on a rope

Drag my soul by it’s feet

Make myself feel alive

To all this air I breathe

 

And yes I accept,

My spirit is unkillable as the water

A wounded heart finding the gates of paradise 

And maybe my soul with walk on its toes again

Fulfil every promise I made to my tears

On the scales of my sobriety, waiting

Bowed fists

Mirror hearts

Glass endings 

Broken laughters hanging on the showers

Giving ways for these solitudes to warm me

 

I will be found tomorrow, when birds sing again

They will not remember me for the skin I wear

Or the language of my parents on my tongue

They will not see me for where I come from

No, they will lift my name on their kind feathers

Light a song for my darkness and warm it’s grieves

Smiles will hang on the chandelier like ripened fruits

Becoming sweeter at each harvest

 

And yes you don’t understand 

How I hold pain like breakfast 

Eat it with happiness dripping on my face

Jaws clenched, eyes on the moon’s beauty

Drown myself into a heavy smile, doting

Still oozing love to everything around

Skin skiing on a Saturday afternoon

Asking questions why.